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Four things to ask her or him about on a first date? Here, we’ve divided your hypothetical first date into five phases and suggested a series of questions to ask your date during each.

These questions are key primers, the ones to ask after you’ve said hello, and settled in somewhere comfortable.

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Before we get to those, let’s review a few general guidelines for dating discourse: Listen as much or more than you talk. A man and woman face each other across a table at a downtown bistro, looking nervous and awkward. There is a stiff formality to the way they sit—no slouching. In reality, premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centeredness than true intimacy. Maybe your first date questions will lead you to discover that this person is your soul mate—or maybe not. All the observable and obvious clues: They are nicely groomed and wearing freshly pressed clothes—stylish, but not overdone. Should the relationship evolve, there will be plenty of time to get into weighty topics. When a person reveals too much too soon, it can give a false sense of intimacy. There aren’t hard and fast rules about what’s a good vs. Research has shown that the most effective communication style in relationships is a flexible one. Why: This is primarily relevant if you're either an extreme night or an extreme morning person. The examples below are intended to stimulate your own ideas rather than as rules. Why: Is the person about to make any major life changes e.g., leave their 0K/year job to go back to school? Do they see it as a job, a vocation, or are they primarily motivated by climbing the career ladder? Speed dating is the hot new alternative on the dating scene, compared to barhopping and online dating.In the present world of speed and frenzy, speed dating is the instant dating solution for today’s youngsters. Warren is a clinical psychologist and author of eight books on love, marriage and emotional health.During 35 years of counseling thousands of married couples, Dr.One thing you really don’t have is the luxury of time. The trick is to select from among these the questions that are closest to your heart and whose answers are important to you.If you are tongue-tied, you are out of the picture. You must go about the dating event with a positive attitude. Also remember never to be tongue-tied and paralyzed if you can't remember the important questions; there are so many inane things to discuss and enjoy!